THE AADAAB(ETIQUETTE) OF SALAAM:
(1) In a gathering where a talk or discussion is taking place, the person entering should not draw attention to himself by making salaam. He should not become an interference in the talk. He should lower his gaze and silently sit down. When later the opportunity arises, he may make Salaam.
(2) Adopt the practice of mutual Salaam. Whenever meeting a Muslim, say: ASSALAMU ALAIKUM. In reply say: WA ALAIKUMUS SALAAM.All other ways are baseless.
(3) When a person conveys the Salaarns of another to you, reply: ALAYHIM
WA ALAIKUMS SALAAM.This is best.If sorneone replies: WA-ALAIKUMUS SALAAM, it will also suffice.
(4) One person of the group making Salaam will be representative of the whole group. His Salaam will be adequate on behalf of the group. Similarly,if from the gathering one person replied, it will suffice on behalf of the whole gathering.
(5) The one who initiates the Salaam obtains greater thawaab.
(6) When replying to the Salaam of a person, the Salaam should be made verbally, not by a sign of the hand or a nod of the head.
(7) Better repayment for a favour will be when the repayment is somewhat more than the act of favour rendered. Thus, the reply should be more than the Salaam (greeting). If ASSALAMU ALAIKUM was said, the better reply will be WA ALAIKUMUS SALAAM WARAHMATULLAAH. If WA BARAKAA TUHU is also added it will be an added merit.
(8) It is waajib (obligatory) to reply to the Salaam which is written in a letter.
This reply may be in writing or verbally.
(9) The Fuqaha have said that in reply to the Salaam which is written in a letter, one may say ALAIKUMUS SALAAM or even ASSALAMU- ALAIKUM.
(10) In a letter in which a dua is wriften, the Salaam should be written first since this is the Sunnat method.
(11) Instead of writing or saying the Salaam, to say any other term or to adopt the greeting of any other community is bid'ah. Such an alien greeting is in fact alteration of the Shariah.
(12) A person who is engrossed in a conversation or in some work should not be greeted. The new-comer should not intrude with his hand-shaking.Such an act is uncultured and causes distress to others.
(from Aadabul Muaasharat by Hazrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi(R.A.))
AADAAB(ETIQUETTE) OF A MAJLIS (GATHERING)
(1) When you have to wait for someone in a gathering, do not sit in such a place or in such a way as to convey that you are waiting. This action will create unnecessary anxiety for the one whom you are waiting for. Sit down quietly at a distance from the person in an inconspicuous way. (An emergency or urgency will obviously be excluded from this rule)
(2) When going to meet a person then on arrival notify him in some way of your presence. Such notification may be by Salaam, speech or by sitting down (in a gathering) where you may be observed. (This rule does not apply to a public gathering, e.g. a public lecture in a Musjid or other public venue.) Without having informed the person concerned of your arrival do not sit down in such a place which conceals your presence. It is quite possible that he may engage in some conversation which is not meant for your ears. In this way the private affairs of another person may be unwittingly overheard.It is not permissible to overhear the secrets and private affairs of others without their consent. On such occasions if it transpires that someone is engaging in a private conversation without having knowledge of your presence, then immediately leave the place. If this happens while the speaker is under the impression that you are asleep, then immediately reveal that you are not asleep. If the matter being discussed pertains to the infliction of harm or loss to you or to any Muslim, then it will be permissible to overhear such schemes and plots to enable you to protect yourself.
(3) When sitting in the company of a person do not sit in such close proximity as to cause inconvenience to him nor sit so far away that it becomes difficult to conduct the conversation with ease.
(4) Don't sit staring at a person who is involved in some work. This distracts his attention and disturbs his peace.
(5) It is disrespetful to unnecessarily sit directly behind someone in close proximity. The person in front is disturbed thereby.
(6) When someone is sitting and engaged in some work do not stand in his presence waiting for him to attend to you. Sit down and address him as soon as he is relieved of the work.
(7) When going tn meet a person do not sit with him so long as to inconvenience him or to cause an impediment in his work.
(8) Where people are gathered do not spit or clean your nose in their presence unnecessarily. For such acts leave their presence.
(from Aadabul Muaasharat by Hazrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi(R.A.))
THE AADAAB(ETIQUETTE) OF HADYAH(GIFT)
(1) If you wish to make a request to a person for something,then do not make any gift to him.The one to whom the gift is made under such circumstances is either put to disgrace or is indirectly compelled to comply with the request of the person who presented the gift. (Such a gift will in fact be a bribe).
(2) When taking a gift along the journey to present to someone, do not take so much as to create difficulty for you along the journey.
(3) Immediately after accepting a gift it is not proper to give it (the gift) in charity in the presence of the person who made the gift. Contribute it in the absence of the person in a way which will not be known to him, otherwise he will be grieved.
(4) The motive for making gifts should be only muhabbat (love and affection), not the fulfilment of one's needs or request. Therefore, if you have a need to present to a person, do not make a gift to him at the same time. It will then appear as if the gift was motivated by the ulterior motive.
(5) The actual purpose of making a gift is to strengthen the bond of affection. Therefore, such ways which inconvenience the one for whom the gift is intended, should not be adopted.
(6) Make the gift in privacy, not in public. The muhda ilayh (the person to whom the gift was made) is entitled to make public the gift.
(7) If the gift is in kind (i.e. not cash) then endeavour to ascertain the likes and preferences of the muhda ilayh. Present something which the muhda ilayh prefers.
(8) The amount of the gift should not be so much that it constitutes a difficulty for the muhda ilayh. It does not matter how less or of little value the gift may be. People of piety are not concerned with the amount or quantity of the gift. They look at the sincerity of the one who makes the gift.
(9) If for some reason acceptance of the gift is refused, then respectfully request the reason for the refusal. For the future bear it in mind. But do not insist to obtain the reason at the time. If the gift is refused because of a misunderstanding created by a baseless supposition or misinformation which reached the muhda ilayh, then it is correct, in fact better, to immediately notify him of the error.
(10) Do not make a gift to anyone as long as he is not convinced of your sincerity.
(11) Do not make gifts in such a way that taking delivery of it becomes difficult and onerous on the muhda ilayh.
(from Aadabul Muaasharat by Hazrat Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi(R.A.))
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